OverSixty April 2023 Digital

ISSUE 4 | APRIL 2023 | OVERSIXTY.COM.AU 10 LIVEWELL How to live a FULLER LIFE LISA FIELDS LIVE WELL W hen John Helliwell married his wife, Millie, 52 years ago, the two were al- ready incredibly close. “She may have been my best friend then, though it wasn’t something I thought about,” Helliwell says about their courtship, which gave way to a joyful and rewarding partner- ship that’s still going strong. Decades into his marriage, Helliwell, a professor emeritus of economics at the Uni- versity of British Columbia in Canada, not only started to think about happiness more, but to take a professional interest in the fac- tors that in%uence our wellbeing. In 2017, his research con!rmed that mar- riage increases happiness, and people who think of their spouses as their best friends ex- perience twice as much happiness as other married people. Because Helliwell considers Millie his closest friend, it follows that their relationship boosted his happiness through- out the past half-century. Helliwell isn’t the only academic to glean meaningful lessons from his own !ndings to live life more fully. We spoke with happiness experts and palliative-care physicians to see what they’ve applied from their work to lead more satisfying and appreciative lives. Accept that age is just a number Between 2002 and 2017, German research- ers asked adults 40 and older to share their chronological age, then describe their per- ceived age. People who felt younger than their actual ages experienced greater life sat- isfaction, with fewer negative emotions such as guilt and anger, leading to an overall in- crease in their sense of wellbeing. "ose who felt older experienced the opposite. Health-related factors played a role; per- ceivedpoor health, chronic illness, andphys- ical limitations were associated with feeling older and a decreased sense of wellbeing. “An individual with chronic health prob- lems may feel an increased discrepancy be- tween perceived age and chronological age over time,” says study author André Hajek, professor of interdisciplinary health-care epidemiology at the University of Hamburg. “At the same time, this individual may lower their expectations of longevity, and so they may have problems enjoying their life. "is may become a self-ful!lling prophecy, lead- ing to marked decreases in future health be- cause of bad lifestyle habits.” “Factors such as general self-e#cacy, optimism or, particularly, passion in life – for your job, for example – can very positively a$ect your perceived age,” he continued. “I try to live a life with true passion for sci- ence, which hopefully will play a role in keeping me young and satis!ed.” Embrace uncertainty Palliative-care physicians often see patients with life-limiting diagnoses who don’t know how much time remains for them. When these people accept uncertainty, then plan for possible scenarios while still living in the present, it helps improve their mental health and overall quality of life, according to a 2016 Scottish study. Says study author Scott Murray, professor emeritus of the primary palliative care group at the University of Edinburgh: “People often ask, ‘What’s the prognosis?’ and what they’re saying is ‘How long have I got?’ But it’s actu- ally something deeper: ‘What’s it going to be like for me?’” He says that one way for patients to cope with their new reality is to check items o$ their “bucket list”, which can help them focus on priorities and pursue achievable goals in the time they have left. Murray’s familiarity with these kinds of conversations helped him when he was di- agnosed with lung cancer seven years ago. “Having faced up to the fact you might die, then been at the !nal frontier and retreated, you’re going to get on living,” says Murray. Although Murray’s results ended up be- ing clear-cut and treatment was possible, he faced high levels of stress as he awaited that diagnosis. His research has shown people of- ten feel most anxious at this stage of the pro- cess and knowing that gave him some relief. His research background and familiarity with palliative care helped him approach his situation di$erently than many people do, which may in turn serve others well. “Over the last 20 years, I’ve gotten this idea of ‘illness trajectory,’” Murray says. “People don’t just die; there is a progressive trajectory of events. And people should ask about that rather than focus on the word ‘prognosis’.” Express gratitude As people age, they’re more likely to experi- ence health problems, cognitive decline, and the loss of loved ones, possibly compound- ing feelings of depression and loneliness. But adults middle-aged and older who express gratitude are less likely to feel lonely, accord- ing to a 2019 Dutch study. “Feelings of gratitude might lead to a broadened life perspective, more social behaviour and more connectedness,” says study author Jennifer Reijnders, assistant professor of lifespan psychology at the Open University in Heerlen, the Netherlands. Reijnders has begun expressing grati- tude more in her own life since she began researching its bene!ts, such as writing in a birthday card to a friend how much she val- ues them. “Doing that has increased the con- nectedness and positive emotions I experi- ence with some people and has diminished emotions like feeling alone,” she says. Foster virtual connections If you can’t get together with friends because you live far apart, have mobility issues, or are wary of socialising in the wake of the pan- demic, going online to maintain important relationships can help you remain close and improve your quality of life. A2021British study found that older adults who used the internet to communicate with people during the pandemic had a higher quality of life and a reduced risk of lowmood or depression than older adults who didn’t. “Based on our study, it seems the best type of internet-based social contact is via email or video calls,” says study author Simon Ev- ans, a lecturer in neuroscience at the Univer- sity of Surrey’s school of psychology. “"is is a great way to help older adults feel more LIVE WELL Re$ecting on and appreciating what truly matters in life can lead to a happier and more ful#lling existence Photo: Getty Images Happiness experts and palliative-care doctors share their strategies for good living socially connected and socially included.” (Social media isn’t ideal, however, as it may provoke anxiety or feelings of missing out.) Forgive others Older adults who are more forgiving are less likely to experience depression, according to research published in 2019, possibly because forgiveness helps them experience greater emotional and physical wellbeing, as well as improved life satisfaction. “Later in your life, you tend to look back at things: actions you took, decisions you made, relationships that have broken, pain you su$ered,” says study author Jessie Dezut- ter, a senior lecturer in psychology and edu- cational sciences at KU Leuven in Belgium. “Forgiveness is a really important tool to !nd a bit of peace of mind so that you can wrap things up in a constructive and positive way and be okay both with speci!c mistakes or faults that you made or that others made towards you.” Forgiveness doesn’t require reconcilia- tion. You can forgive in your heart without telling the person concerned. "is is help- ful if someone has died, if the person you’re forgiving was abusive, or if a relationship has run its course. Dezutter used this technique with an old friend. “"e painful situations became so ex- treme that I decided forgiveness was neces- sary but continuing to invest in the relation- ship wasn’t wise,” she says. “Accepting that we are all human with our own faults and mistakes can bring a sense of relief. It can also open up new opportunities to engage further in relationships and in friendships.” Tie up loose ends As a palliative-care physician who treated hospice patients for many years, Dr Ira Byock helps people with life-limiting diagnoses !nd closure throughmeaningful conversation. His lessons can be applied to anyone who wants to live a happier life – starting right now. Imagine, he says, that you were in a car ac- cident and knew you were about to die. What would be the things that you wished you had said to your loved ones while you had the chance? “"ere are only four things we real- ly need to say to people: ‘Please forgive me. I forgive you. "ank you. And I love you,’” says Dr Byock, the California-based author of !e Four !ings !at Matter Most . “So, why wait to say these things?” For his part, Dr Byock relishes the way he feels after apologising, forgiving, and sharing gratitude with, or expressing feelings of love towards the important people in his life. “When nothing critically important is left unsaid between two people who care about each other, the quality of the relationship changes,” Byock says. “You’re more aware of the intrinsic value of the relationship, which for me, de!nes celebration.” Mending and nurturing relationships helps to increase happiness because people value friends and relatives more than pos- sessions. “"is is as close to universally true as almost anything I know about human beings: When you really get down to what matters most, it’s not things, it’s always other people,” Byock says. “"e exercise here, as we age, is to keep ask- ing ourselves, ‘What really matters most?’”